Anger


A rigid person wants everything in his own way. This rigidity, if left

unchecked, can give rise to uncontrolled anger.

You are hardly aware of the fact that your child lies because he wants to

protect himself from your anger. The worst-affected persons of your anger

are your spouse and kids because they are close to your heart. An angry person has no true friends.

Remember the maxim: Stone is heavy, sand is weighty: but a fool’s

wrath is heavier than both.

Try to bridge this gap! Anger is an expression of one’s own inadequacies.

And it is a clear evidence of a person’s poor self-esteem. Managing one’s

anger is no big deal when one starts thinking in this direction.

In this context, I cannot help but sketch my personal experience. It was

a time when I was visiting a friend’s home. Her eight-year old son, Chikkoo,

was enthusiastically serving me snacks from a plate. His mother, though, was

afraid to let him do it, fearing he might break the expensive crockery. I was

silently watching as this trivial issue snowballed into a major one. Suddenly,

the boy dropped the plate, accidentally, of course. My friend flared up and

gave her son a tight slap and ordered him to go to his room. This incident

forced me to think: didn’t my friend cause a loss of something much more

precious than that plate—her son’s self-confidence?

I was not surprised when my friend brought her son to my clinic after

a few years. ‘He has become a liar and a truant,’—his mother complained. I

could surmise what, and who, made Chikkoo a problem-child.

Anger represents the negative state of a person, and the victim of this

anger tries to save himself by counter-reacting. Chikkoo’s mother’s anger

stemmed from her rigidity. In trying to control Chikkoo’s every single

action, she had instead caused an emotional gulf to form between herself

and her son. Her uncontrolled anger had compelled Chikkoo to turn against

her and had led to a complete erosion of trust between the two.

Anger is not only harmful for a person who is its victim but it adversely

affects everyone around him. When a person gets angry, he ceases to think

rationally and fail to communicate clearly. If one becomes a slave to one’s

anger, one will end up losing the most prized possession: one’s family.

“Dad angry”

Males adopt anger mechanisms to release their pent-up emotions.

Regardless of that, this is most definitely a negative and unacceptable

consequence.

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Why is Dad angry?

♥ Males’ ego gives them a false feeling of superiority, and presents them

with an outlet to show off their masculinity.

♥ Masculinity—Men have an erroneous notion that anger is equivalent

to masculinity. A man without anger is perceived as naïve and lack

of such aggressive traits is wrongly designated as a feminine trait by

their family members, friends, colleagues and sometimes even the very

society in which they live. This is why men frequently regard any show

of docility or calmness as a social stigma.

♥ Anger always showcases insecurity towards rejection. If a male

concedes to a view point of his wife, he starts believing himself inferior

to his wife. Thus, faced with this feeling of rejection, he tries to restore

his own pride and demonstrate his own importance through anger and

aggression.

♥ Dad has no time to let out his anger in a meaningful way, through playing

sports, doing yoga or creative work. Therefore, the easiest way for him

to release his stored emotions is through aggression as this requires no

planning and effort and is easily expressed regardless of time and place.

♥ Above all, anger has a genetic basis. It has been indicated in a lot of

researches that anger often runs in those families where the grandfather

or uncles reported this temperament. Anger in males is usually the result

of the absence of a compliant role model, especially the father.

The worst form of anger is hidden anger. When Dad remains silent and

tight-lipped, concealing simmering anger inside him, it is a dangerous sign

because such behaviour can be very unpredictable. His sudden by thrown

tantrums often keep all the family members on their toes, such that they are

forced to live in a constant state of fear. The children of such fathers keep

a large distance from their fathers, fearing his actions which are imprudent

indiscreet and despicable. The Children who remain unsure about their

fathers’ actions and angry temperaments and are at a loss to explain them

end up being confused and develop poor decision-making abilities. Thus

they cannot distinguish between ‘approved’ and ‘disapproved behaviour’.

Dad! Your momentary outbursts may be the cause of permanent

destruction of your family bonding. Learn to control your anger!

 

Anger is a form of emotion. Human beings with this instinct have natural

outbursts. Anger happens when one loses control and it comes suddenly. In

fact, it does not come in an organized way. Now this is the toughest question:

how and when it should come.

Most of the time, a person’s anger is the result of his own pent-up

feelings and piled-up frustrations. “Anger due to someone is expressed on

someone else” is the commonest factor. This someone else is definitely your

spouse and child. This is because you do not need any courtesy while dealing

with them. But you often forget that even your family requires a parent with

etiquette and manners while dealing with their innocent kids.

You have to take some time to ask yourself how to control your

impulses.

Create some mental images of the events which are responsible for

arousing your anger instinct. You will definitely find that there are a few

issues which are intolerable and they occur repeatedly. Here is the list of retrospection:-

  • How your anger destroys the harmony of your home;
  • How your child/spouse or other members of the family hesitate or

stammer if you want to know the cause/reasons of any happenings;

  • How they are forced to hide facts from you. Your anger makes them lie

to you, in order to save themselves from your outbursts. Your child is

the most innocent victim. His innocent mind now wanders and is busy

thinking: how to make the excuses so that he can protect himself from

your outburst.

  • You have to be very careful about your angry outbursts; avoid projecting

your anger on your loved ones. Your anger stems from deep-rooted

insecurity and reveals your lack of self-discipline.

Remember: if you let your anger control you, you will end up alienating

everyone around you.

However, anger is an instinct, an involuntary reaction, which you

cannot stop totally.

Express your anger in a healthy manner. Suppression of anger is

not only detrimental to your own emotional health but it may also lead

to heart attack, diabetes or other physical ailments, including life-style

diseases.

Let it out in an appropriate way, as Aristotle said:

‘Anyone can become angry—that is easy, but to be angry with the right

person, to the right degree, at the right time, for the right purpose, and in the

right way—this is not easy.’

 

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