A rigid person wants everything in his own way. This rigidity, if left
unchecked, can give rise to uncontrolled anger.
You are hardly aware of the fact that your child lies because he wants to
protect himself from your anger. The worst-affected persons of your anger
are your spouse and kids because they are close to your heart. An angry person has no true friends.
Remember the maxim: Stone is heavy, sand is weighty: but a fool’s
wrath is heavier than both.
Try to bridge this gap! Anger is an expression of one’s own inadequacies.
And it is a clear evidence of a person’s poor self-esteem. Managing one’s
anger is no big deal when one starts thinking in this direction.
In this context, I cannot help but sketch my personal experience. It was
a time when I was visiting a friend’s home. Her eight-year old son, Chikkoo,
was enthusiastically serving me snacks from a plate. His mother, though, was
afraid to let him do it, fearing he might break the expensive crockery. I was
silently watching as this trivial issue snowballed into a major one. Suddenly,
the boy dropped the plate, accidentally, of course. My friend flared up and
gave her son a tight slap and ordered him to go to his room. This incident
forced me to think: didn’t my friend cause a loss of something much more
precious than that plate—her son’s self-confidence?
I was not surprised when my friend brought her son to my clinic after
a few years. ‘He has become a liar and a truant,’—his mother complained. I
could surmise what, and who, made Chikkoo a problem-child.
Anger represents the negative state of a person, and the victim of this
anger tries to save himself by counter-reacting. Chikkoo’s mother’s anger
stemmed from her rigidity. In trying to control Chikkoo’s every single
action, she had instead caused an emotional gulf to form between herself
and her son. Her uncontrolled anger had compelled Chikkoo to turn against
her and had led to a complete erosion of trust between the two.
Anger is not only harmful for a person who is its victim but it adversely
affects everyone around him. When a person gets angry, he ceases to think
rationally and fail to communicate clearly. If one becomes a slave to one’s
anger, one will end up losing the most prized possession: one’s family.
Males adopt anger mechanisms to release their pent-up emotions.
Regardless of that, this is most definitely a negative and unacceptable
Why is Dad angry?
♥ Males’ ego gives them a false feeling of superiority, and presents them
with an outlet to show off their masculinity.
♥ Masculinity—Men have an erroneous notion that anger is equivalent
to masculinity. A man without anger is perceived as naïve and lack
of such aggressive traits is wrongly designated as a feminine trait by
their family members, friends, colleagues and sometimes even the very
society in which they live. This is why men frequently regard any show
of docility or calmness as a social stigma.
♥ Anger always showcases insecurity towards rejection. If a male
concedes to a view point of his wife, he starts believing himself inferior
to his wife. Thus, faced with this feeling of rejection, he tries to restore
his own pride and demonstrate his own importance through anger and
♥ Dad has no time to let out his anger in a meaningful way, through playing
sports, doing yoga or creative work. Therefore, the easiest way for him
to release his stored emotions is through aggression as this requires no
planning and effort and is easily expressed regardless of time and place.
♥ Above all, anger has a genetic basis. It has been indicated in a lot of
researches that anger often runs in those families where the grandfather
or uncles reported this temperament. Anger in males is usually the result
of the absence of a compliant role model, especially the father.
The worst form of anger is hidden anger. When Dad remains silent and
tight-lipped, concealing simmering anger inside him, it is a dangerous sign
because such behaviour can be very unpredictable. His sudden by thrown
tantrums often keep all the family members on their toes, such that they are
forced to live in a constant state of fear. The children of such fathers keep
a large distance from their fathers, fearing his actions which are imprudent
indiscreet and despicable. The Children who remain unsure about their
fathers’ actions and angry temperaments and are at a loss to explain them
end up being confused and develop poor decision-making abilities. Thus
they cannot distinguish between ‘approved’ and ‘disapproved behaviour’.
Dad! Your momentary outbursts may be the cause of permanent
destruction of your family bonding. Learn to control your anger!
Anger is a form of emotion. Human beings with this instinct have natural
outbursts. Anger happens when one loses control and it comes suddenly. In
fact, it does not come in an organized way. Now this is the toughest question:
how and when it should come.
Most of the time, a person’s anger is the result of his own pent-up
feelings and piled-up frustrations. “Anger due to someone is expressed on
someone else” is the commonest factor. This someone else is definitely your
spouse and child. This is because you do not need any courtesy while dealing
with them. But you often forget that even your family requires a parent with
etiquette and manners while dealing with their innocent kids.
You have to take some time to ask yourself how to control your
Create some mental images of the events which are responsible for
arousing your anger instinct. You will definitely find that there are a few
issues which are intolerable and they occur repeatedly. Here is the list of retrospection:-
- How your anger destroys the harmony of your home;
- How your child/spouse or other members of the family hesitate or
stammer if you want to know the cause/reasons of any happenings;
- How they are forced to hide facts from you. Your anger makes them lie
to you, in order to save themselves from your outbursts. Your child is
the most innocent victim. His innocent mind now wanders and is busy
thinking: how to make the excuses so that he can protect himself from
- You have to be very careful about your angry outbursts; avoid projecting
your anger on your loved ones. Your anger stems from deep-rooted
insecurity and reveals your lack of self-discipline.
Remember: if you let your anger control you, you will end up alienating
everyone around you.
However, anger is an instinct, an involuntary reaction, which you
cannot stop totally.
Express your anger in a healthy manner. Suppression of anger is
not only detrimental to your own emotional health but it may also lead
to heart attack, diabetes or other physical ailments, including life-style
Let it out in an appropriate way, as Aristotle said:
‘Anyone can become angry—that is easy, but to be angry with the right
person, to the right degree, at the right time, for the right purpose, and in the
right way—this is not easy.’