Bury the Hatchet Soon


As a society, we seem to have reached a point in our relationships where

words like ‘compromise,’ ‘understanding,’ ‘trust’ etc. are thrown around

without any true intent or profound feelings. These words are just that,

words, and weigh and convey very little. In real life, a lot of action needs to

be taken to truly sustain the value of these words. A lot of work needs to be

put in to give relationships a solid foundation. Perceptions between spouses

should always continue to be positive even if their individual thoughts or

personalities are conflicting. Unless you are aware of both—the strengths

and weaknesses of your spouse—which may have genetic, environmental,

financial or social origins, you will never be in a position to truly understand

your partner. Recognizing these attributes, and realising their effects, can

not only alleviate confusions and mollify hurt feelings, but they will also

make you more flexible and empathetic. The most obvious outcome of

good perception and understanding is better, clearer communication with

your partner, and these two, in cohesion, ultimately lead to the Holy Grail of

marriage and family: Satisfaction and Happiness.

COMMUNICATION

Strong, clear and positive interactions and communication between

spouses are a necessary counterpart for quality perception. Excellent

perception of your spouse’s weaknesses and strengths establishes strong

bedrock for your relationship. However, the equally important structure

of family values for your child that is built upon this foundation is created

mainly by open and honest communication. Put another way, if husbands and

wives mutually respect each other, their communion gets a firm backbone,

and becomes a nurturing ground for well-developed children through better

communication skills. This is conducive to attaining harmony and peace in

relationships.

Negative communication is often characterized by either distorted

communication or one-way communication, and is extremely unhealthy. It

is a strong indicator of unwillingness and non-co-operation from one or both

the spouses.

Distorted communication occurs when spouses regularly bicker and

criticize each other, on unfair grounds, and often, on fairly petty matters, and

are unwilling to understand or even entertain the other’s viewpoints. This

turns into a battlefield to prove the might of one’s prejudiced and narrow

viewpoints over the other’s, and as with all wars, only results in destruction

and disintegration of the already frayed bonds of the relationship. Since

neither spouse is even open to the consideration that the other may have

valid arguments, this sort of communication is not only useless, as it fails

to transfer any relevant information, it is also harmful because it tends to

rubbish and disparage the other’s feelings and perspectives.

One-way communication usually involves one spouse, who is

constantly argumentative and fault-finding, with the other spouse choosing

to keep a firm silence, either due to a sense of intimidation or fear, or due to

forced indifference or apathy. This sort of one-sided communication is just

as harmful, because there is no mutual exchange of viewpoints, and thus,

no room for any kind of constructive arguments or positive reinforcements.

Since only one spouse is involved in the conversation, it becomes impossible

to find any grounds of reconciliation, with the result that the apathy between

the spouses only increases by the day.

Positive communication, on the other hand, is in complete opposition

to the wrongs of negative communication. It seeks to establish open, honest

relationships through a free exchange of opinions, ideas and even criticisms,

between the spouses. It does not mean a complete elimination of arguments

or fights; it only seeks to ensure that even arguments can have a positive

outcome if you can focus clearly on the reasons and differences, and if both

spouses can honestly convey to each other their needs, fears and desires.

Positive communication can, of course, only come about when spouses

perceive each other’s attributes strongly. It seeks to establish a fair and equal

exchange of viewpoints, through open channels of communication. This is

highly conducive to attaining harmony in relationships and thus becomes

one of the essential requirements for the healthy upbringing of children.

A strong relationship can exist only where spouses are free to

communicate with each other, without any fear of retribution or ill-will, and

they give values to their counterpart’s views, ideas and thoughts. Even if

they differ at any point, they can easily sort out the disparities and confusions

through clear, focused communication. And, once they can clear out their

differences and establish mutual respect for each other’s perspectives, it is

only then that they will be joined in perfect union.

It is truly said:

The most important thing a father can do for his children is to love his

mother.”- Theodre Hesburgh.

If you perceive and communicate well with your spouse, all the issues

which might possibly spark off marital discord can be managed and settled.

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