Divorce


Thirteen-year-old Aman broke down and divulged in a distressed voice,

“My parents are very selfish…they think only about their own happiness…

they never ask what I want….they may start living separately very soon….I

can’t leave any one of them. They often quarrel regarding my possession

but they don’t know what’s going on in my mind. But I’m sure I need both

of them.”

His piercing eyes had an expression as if I would do some miracle for

him. There are lots of Amans who are going through a severe psychological

trauma due to parental division. No kid likes this indivisible human shelter

on the earth. It is a fact!

Many kids viewed, “Divorce is a selfish decision taken by the parents

only for their own convenience. They lack compassion for their children.”

This is the rebellious attitude of children who are going through the

trauma of their parents’ divorce.

Parents!

Divorce is an extremely sensitive issue. You definitely cut a sorry figure

for your children if you do so. To do justice with this special relationship you

have to exert your maximum effort to keep this valuable relationship alive.

‘“Curriculum problems can be solved by hard work. Can you solve my

family problems…especially my parents’ dispute??”—fourteen-year-old

Jishu’s ambivalent feelings (love-hate) towards his parents were quite evident

on his face. But he soon changed and surrendered himself and told me, “Let

them fight but tell them not to get separated. I need both of them.” Jishu

was looking at me with a great hope. He again reminded me of sweet Kaka.

From Kaka’s time till today: the percentage of literacy is on the rise, and

simultaneously there is the rise in the percentage of incompetent parenting

and parents’ own selfish attitude. However, Jishu represents thousands of

children who never want to see their creator in two pieces.

After interviewing a number of couples, who were blaming each other,

without a real or valid ground, through and through.

A renowned person, Mr X came to me to reveal his inferiority complex

due to his wife’s rural upbringing and culture, which is obviously in contrast

with his own. It is shocking that he does not want to accompany her to any

party or even in public places due to her lack of glamour, attraction and

charm. As a result, he was seeking divorce.

108 Another renowned person, Mr Y, came to me to reveal his difficulties

in getting along with his wife due to his wife’s urban high-culture, which was

not a contrast matching as he himself had a popular existence. Still he feels

insecure and often stays in a state of despondency and avoids parties and

public places due to his wife’s glamour, attraction and charm. It was also

moving towards divorce.

The agonies of both the couples are the same but in contrasting ways.

Both the couples are not happy and thinking on the lines of divorce.

Divorce on this ground shows immaturity and shallowness of the

knowledge of family and social union. First of all, this diversity in personality

is not a problem. It shows your own complexes and avoidance to meet the

family commitments.

If you are committed to the family responsibilities affably, these

problems may vanish soon.

In order to cultivate the interests/hobbies which your spouse is having,

it does not matter whether it is related to rural or urban culture because a

“family” itself is a respected place and you will get lots of respect and honour

if you have a beautiful family bonding. You will soon find how your spouse

comes forward and willingly accepts your hobbies, too, if you cooperate

with him/her. Do not escape. Bind a beautiful union between the the two of

you: it hardly matters whether your spouse is outspoken, glamorous or rustic

and lacks a refined etiquette and manner. Your support, love and cooperation

are enough to bind him/her with you.

Trust sometimes breaks so divorce may not be the only answer. There is

surely something missing in your conjugal life. Find out what it is. Bring it

back. After all, we are human beings, we make mistakes. Be a great person

by being forgiving and forgetting. Do not be a mean person by brooding over

the problem. It will ruin any relationship.

109

Make sure: Will you get rid of your problems by getting rid of your

spouse?

Because many times a person is trapped in the illusion that if he/she

gets rid of the spouse they will get rid of their problems, too. You have to be

honest enough while you are assessing your life ‘with the spouse’ or ‘without

the spouse’ by taking into account your kid(s), too. Do not allow your ego

to interfere with this sensitive issue. It is seen that in most of the cases one’s

ego is the main culprit behind this devastating break in relationship.

Do the following work:

Make a list of pleasant and unpleasant happenings of your life before

saying goodbye to your spouse. Weigh logically and then decide.

Will the post-divorce status render you a set of new personality traits?

Will you change yourself by getting rid of your spouse?

Ask yourself silently. You may get your answers.

If the relationship is unbearable, talk logically and convincingly to your

child without making much fuss.

If you talk against your spouse with your child, certainly you are

breaking your child’s heart. You may have feeling of satisfaction or you feel

that you are saving your side by being not a culprit and you want to prove

yourself ‘not guilty’ in the eyes of your child but you are hurting your child

at the other end with your self-deceptive attitude and erroneous course of

action. They are vulnerable to stress and may try to find solace in drugs,

alcohol or any other forbidden or thrilling thing or drastic step to make up

the setback. It is better to counsel your child personally than taking anyone

else’s help, like a family member or friend.

If the divorce is inevitable, part gracefully.

Divorce is advisable under life-threatening situations. In case of parents

with alcohol addiction, drug addiction and severe personality disorder where

one’s life is really in danger, it is advisable to take divorce.

Shikha, a fourteen-years-old girl, was trembling with shock and fear

while she was narrating her parents’ violence and she wanted to get rid

of them. She was also worried about the security of her parents. She was

wishing for her parents to start living separately as soon as possible.

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