Thirteen-year-old Aman broke down and divulged in a distressed voice,
“My parents are very selfish…they think only about their own happiness…
they never ask what I want….they may start living separately very soon….I
can’t leave any one of them. They often quarrel regarding my possession
but they don’t know what’s going on in my mind. But I’m sure I need both
His piercing eyes had an expression as if I would do some miracle for
him. There are lots of Amans who are going through a severe psychological
trauma due to parental division. No kid likes this indivisible human shelter
on the earth. It is a fact!
Many kids viewed, “Divorce is a selfish decision taken by the parents
only for their own convenience. They lack compassion for their children.”
This is the rebellious attitude of children who are going through the
trauma of their parents’ divorce.
Divorce is an extremely sensitive issue. You definitely cut a sorry figure
for your children if you do so. To do justice with this special relationship you
have to exert your maximum effort to keep this valuable relationship alive.
‘“Curriculum problems can be solved by hard work. Can you solve my
family problems…especially my parents’ dispute??”—fourteen-year-old
Jishu’s ambivalent feelings (love-hate) towards his parents were quite evident
on his face. But he soon changed and surrendered himself and told me, “Let
them fight but tell them not to get separated. I need both of them.” Jishu
was looking at me with a great hope. He again reminded me of sweet Kaka.
From Kaka’s time till today: the percentage of literacy is on the rise, and
simultaneously there is the rise in the percentage of incompetent parenting
and parents’ own selfish attitude. However, Jishu represents thousands of
children who never want to see their creator in two pieces.
After interviewing a number of couples, who were blaming each other,
without a real or valid ground, through and through.
A renowned person, Mr X came to me to reveal his inferiority complex
due to his wife’s rural upbringing and culture, which is obviously in contrast
with his own. It is shocking that he does not want to accompany her to any
party or even in public places due to her lack of glamour, attraction and
charm. As a result, he was seeking divorce.
108 Another renowned person, Mr Y, came to me to reveal his difficulties
in getting along with his wife due to his wife’s urban high-culture, which was
not a contrast matching as he himself had a popular existence. Still he feels
insecure and often stays in a state of despondency and avoids parties and
public places due to his wife’s glamour, attraction and charm. It was also
moving towards divorce.
The agonies of both the couples are the same but in contrasting ways.
Both the couples are not happy and thinking on the lines of divorce.
Divorce on this ground shows immaturity and shallowness of the
knowledge of family and social union. First of all, this diversity in personality
is not a problem. It shows your own complexes and avoidance to meet the
If you are committed to the family responsibilities affably, these
problems may vanish soon.
In order to cultivate the interests/hobbies which your spouse is having,
it does not matter whether it is related to rural or urban culture because a
“family” itself is a respected place and you will get lots of respect and honour
if you have a beautiful family bonding. You will soon find how your spouse
comes forward and willingly accepts your hobbies, too, if you cooperate
with him/her. Do not escape. Bind a beautiful union between the the two of
you: it hardly matters whether your spouse is outspoken, glamorous or rustic
and lacks a refined etiquette and manner. Your support, love and cooperation
are enough to bind him/her with you.
Trust sometimes breaks so divorce may not be the only answer. There is
surely something missing in your conjugal life. Find out what it is. Bring it
back. After all, we are human beings, we make mistakes. Be a great person
by being forgiving and forgetting. Do not be a mean person by brooding over
the problem. It will ruin any relationship.
Make sure: Will you get rid of your problems by getting rid of your
Because many times a person is trapped in the illusion that if he/she
gets rid of the spouse they will get rid of their problems, too. You have to be
honest enough while you are assessing your life ‘with the spouse’ or ‘without
the spouse’ by taking into account your kid(s), too. Do not allow your ego
to interfere with this sensitive issue. It is seen that in most of the cases one’s
ego is the main culprit behind this devastating break in relationship.
Do the following work:
Make a list of pleasant and unpleasant happenings of your life before
saying goodbye to your spouse. Weigh logically and then decide.
Will the post-divorce status render you a set of new personality traits?
Will you change yourself by getting rid of your spouse?
Ask yourself silently. You may get your answers.
If the relationship is unbearable, talk logically and convincingly to your
child without making much fuss.
If you talk against your spouse with your child, certainly you are
breaking your child’s heart. You may have feeling of satisfaction or you feel
that you are saving your side by being not a culprit and you want to prove
yourself ‘not guilty’ in the eyes of your child but you are hurting your child
at the other end with your self-deceptive attitude and erroneous course of
action. They are vulnerable to stress and may try to find solace in drugs,
alcohol or any other forbidden or thrilling thing or drastic step to make up
the setback. It is better to counsel your child personally than taking anyone
else’s help, like a family member or friend.
If the divorce is inevitable, part gracefully.
Divorce is advisable under life-threatening situations. In case of parents
with alcohol addiction, drug addiction and severe personality disorder where
one’s life is really in danger, it is advisable to take divorce.
Shikha, a fourteen-years-old girl, was trembling with shock and fear
while she was narrating her parents’ violence and she wanted to get rid
of them. She was also worried about the security of her parents. She was
wishing for her parents to start living separately as soon as possible.