This confusions and inability to perceive affection on the part of their
parents only go to show that parents are ignorant about the importance of
EXPRESSION OF LOVE in words, gesture and touch, which are readily
perceived by their child.
They usually are very careless about the relationship
with their child. They regard their child as their personal commodity and end
up often toying with their feelings, of course, not intentionally. Their lack
of awareness and insufficient knowledge about the delicate nature of this
relationship deprive them of an understanding of the value and weight of the
expressions of love and affection. Ultimately, they have to pay the price for
their ignorance by making their own child confused, restless, and anxious,
and an insecure human being.
Affection needs to be expressed in words, gestures and touch, especially
while you interact with your family, because you are the most significant
person in your child’s life. Expression of love is as important as the food
one eats or the water one drinks, without which one cannot even imagine
surviving. It is one of the vital needs which are biologically oriented. The
perception of being loved, in terms of hugging, kissing, patting, encouraging
and other soft forms of show of emotion, is the first emotional need of a
child. Moreover, it shows your affectionate communication skill which is the
only way to send the message of the heart.
Come closer to yourself:
- Your own problems hinder your child’s progress.
- Mental disturbances between spouses, resulting in the parents
quarrelling at home, inter se, are a great mental trauma for a child.
- Know yourself through your child’s eyes.
- Train yourself as a good parent.
- Be your child’s best friend, guide and philosopher.
- Protect yourself from old-age worries.
- Your child’s bright future is your old-age asset.
Have you ever felt that sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind? Have
you ever drawn a dividing line between ’too-much’ and ’too-little’? Is it not
a good thing to perceive yourself honestly and adequately in case you are
missing out on your own issues? Come on! Do not try to shy away from your
own prejudices; nor do you ever think of keeping yourself at arm’s length
from your deviating child on account of your own egocentricity, vanity or
susceptibility. Accept them and deal with them accordingly. After all, it is a
matter of your child’s psychological welfare.
Criminality in Children
The very first step to stop crime is to make yourself aware of your children’s behavioural pattern and
assess them scrupulously.
Violating any social norm is a crime. Crime, in any form, including
drug addiction and alcoholism, hangs like the sword of Damocles over our
heads, ruining many families. Our own blood is killing us, either physically
or psychologically. Aren’t we parents responsible for these heinous
happenings? If we want to stop this, I will solemnly request all parents and
would-be parents to follow a family rule.
Criminality or addiction is not a disease. It’s an accumulation of
turbulent feelings or emotions, a negative behavioural syndrome that begins
to develop in your child just at the time you find yourself incapable of
managing him or her fully. So, criminality is not a sudden step or reaction
to a child’s unhealthy environment or bad parenting, but, is a slow negative
development, which leads them to take the most dreadful and ultimate step.
Alcohol, drugs, gambling, betting, and substance abuse are major problems
which our children will face while growing up for the want of healthy role models in the form of parents. Lack of remorse and
conscience in a child act as a signal for you to be alert, because your child
may have a difficult temperament which needs careful and delicate parenting.
So, the problems in
the family and the characteristics of the parents have a long-lasting effect on
the child’s behavioural-patterns.
Suicide is also an indirect/passive mode of crime which is knowingly/
unknowingly committed by our children due to lack of proper supervision
and awareness of the parents.
Instances of suicide and delinquency in children are becoming
more and more frequent and alarming. Blaming only academic pressure
is partially wrong. There are many children born with several academic
and non-academic talents; if you provide them a peaceful ambience and
loving approach, your children can perform excellently. Trust them.
Several parents, unfortunately, fail to identify the
positive traits of their kids. Instead, they engage themselves in making the
futile and fatal mistake of highlighting their children’s faults, mistakes and
misdeeds. Consequently, they miss out on the opportunity to appreciate them
and only end up in their distancing themselves from the child. This gap can
only be bridged through a profound understanding of not only their child’s
troubles but also their own problems which, ultimately, assume dimensions.
There is a strong link between parents’ own inner psyche and its
manifestation in their outward behaviour. How parents behave with their
child is a definite reflection of how they view themselves in the mirror of
their child’s eyes. It is of fundamental importance to note that the parents’
own problems are woven into their child’s problems and this interlocking
mesh can only be unravelled when they perceive the threats posed by both
these sets of uncertainties. Parents, unaware of this conundrum, are unable
to see their child’s ‘faults’ in the light of their own behaviour, and thus
forcefully try to fix a problem which stems from their own troubles. This is a
sad state of affairs and a startling revelation of truth, too. No good can come
out of replacing the stem of a plant, whose origin actually lies in the roots,
hidden deep beneath the soil. It is only when parents become conscientious
that they can truly understand the trials and tribulations faced by their own
child, who, metaphorically and literally, turns out to be the faithful reflection
of their parents. It is time for parents to wake up and look at this new reality
and come to terms with their own selves before they blame their children for
Children look up to their parents as their role models. They are conditioned
by their environment, and parents form a primary part of this milieu.
Therefore, it is imperative as a parent to make sure you present the right
image to your child, because a Child is, in a sense, the Father of the Man, as
originally pronounced by Abraham Lincoln.