Indiscipline


 

Indiscipline covers a vast area of one’s own habitual weaknesses and

irregular activities (sleeping, eating, working hours, habit of using profane

language, lack of courtesy, to name a few instances). In an extreme

form, it encompasses addictions (alcohol, tobacco, and drug/substance

abuse) and criminal activities (gambling, betting, cheating, lying, sexual

crime and fraud). These habits are entirely learnt and acquired, and largely

relate to a person’s surroundings, training, parental influence, peer-influence

and mental make-up. However, if genetic influence is prominent, it adds fuel

to fire. It is usually seen that a person who has some bad habits is often prone

to develop his intimacy with people of the same inclinations. How he talks,

behaves and interacts with members of the society determine his parenthoodimage.

However, it is said that ‘old habits die hard”, which is true to some

extent. But with the rapid changes in society today in every perspective,

the old theories are also changing. So, sticking to the old methods may

be instrumental in increasing confusion and conflicts in the parents of the

modern age. No one is perfect in this world. Would-be parents who find

themselves undisciplined in many ways should bring lots of changes in

themselves prior to the arrival of their child. One is not supposed to stick

to one’s bad habits forever. A parent should have a clear idea of their own

bad habits so that they can bring some changes in their sense of discipline.

It needs positive efforts which come through a person’s determination and

strong will-power.

“…..Realization and empathy are two essential feelings that work

as a lighthouse showing you the right path, making you more mature,

giving you more strength, and finally guiding you to adopt the right

method while you are interacting with your kid as well as your spouse.”

 

These days, parents are entirely unaware of how their own habits,

internet and cell-phone addictions, involvement in kitty parties, shopping

mania and making extra money by indulging in immoral and fraudulent

activities, create in children the feelings of rejection and negligence. As a

sequel to all this, their children create their own self-involved world and

exert their energy in wrong ways and dissipated their youth. Have you ever noticed that your lack of discipline puts your child at the risk of developing a host of problems? This is the worst kind of weakness

in your personality. This may turn a child towards detrimental tendencies

like addiction to drugs and alcohol, sexual aberrations and other signs of

waywardness.

A child’s indiscipline usually reflects the parents’ own enjoyment-seeking

behaviour which makes them blissfully unaware of the child’s mental

needs. Left to fend for himself, he gradually nurtures negative friendships.

His uncontrolled wish to see his desires fulfilled, make him play truant from

school. He might start preferring to keep unhealthy company, rather than

attend school. Thus, a child with a tenuous attachment towards his parents,

perhaps, develops a negative internal model of them, which eventually gives

rise to hostility and truant behaviour in him.

 

“I grew up under the supervision of a caretaker. My parents’ wealth

never attracted me. I wished to have a normal family, like Minakshee (name changed). I like

Minakshee who is my neighbour and her family because she has a beautiful

family. They take care of my needs and requirements.” Prahalad (name changed), the son of

one of a renowned and moneyed man, announced it very confidently. His

parents were disapproving his friendship with the girl and her family whose

status was below average from their point of view.

 

A mother, Anamika (name changed), 35 years old, came to me for her six- year-old

child, Arjun, due to his lying, excessive talkativeness, disobedience

and stubbornness. I was myself dumbfounded when after delicate and

thorough investigations I found that the parents of Arjun were both

involved in several fraud cases. On his mother’s part, her superficial

charm, which is one of the prominent features of antisocial personality

disorder, was the main tool to attract people and manipulate them

accordingly. I further found that the mother was herself a compulsive liar

and an unemotional and callous person. Her main asset to cheat people

was her superficiality in every respect. But when her child adopted the

same personality she was not able to see herself in the mirror. However,

mothers with similar characteristics are found in large numbers. In such

cases, sometimes, husbands encourage their wives to utilize their charms and trap influential people, in order to achieve their targets.

The problem with such mothers is that they want to make easy and

quick money. Parents who belong to this category have a problem in

accepting their own shortcomings.

While adopting such methods, mothers should be careful of the

repercussion of the artificiality of their behaviour on their children. This trend is not related

to their conflicting situations but to their habit of manipulation and

manoeuvring.

“Children are an integral part of their parents; as long as the mirror

is unclean, how can you expect the image to be pure?”

 

In the words of J. Edgar Hoover (long-time Director of the FBI in

the US):

‘If discipline is practised in every home, juvenile delinquency would

be reduced by 95%.’

 

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