You are upset with the complaints from teachers about your child’s misbehaviour in the school

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The parents of Naman (ten year old) were terribly upset to hear about

the complaints, regarding their son which they had never dreamed of and

reacted as if it was a nightmare. The following was the list of complaints


Disturbance to the whole class:-

  1. Aggressive (beats, kicks and punches).
  2. Teases the girl students.
  3. Steals money from other students’ bags.
  4. Makes bad gestures even in front of his teachers.
  5. No remorse or guilty feeling.
  6. No respect towards school authorities.
  7. Destroys school property, e.g., breaks black-board, chairs, table etc.

Naman’s parents were completely clueless regarding Naman’s violent

and destructive nature. He was a totally different child at home. In his

mother’s words,

“He never displays any indisciplined actions as our family maintains

a strict family tradition which we are bound to follow. We don’t allow any

mischief or misbehaviour. So it’s really a hard time for us to accept such

bad and destructive behaviour We were getting small complaints from the

school previously and we had started working towards that being more strict.

We even tried to punish him by being more vigilant. Sometime we used to

deny him many things. But we couldn’t understand that he could behave

so badly…..His father started beating him and we’re also losing the family


Listen, parents!

Naman’s parents were absolutely correct in terms of the family values.

But could they think of the problems where he was suffering every day

by suppressing his natural needs and desires due to the disagreements and

animosity of his parents?

Naman was not the only one who was suffering from deviant or

undesirable behaviour, there are a good number of students who lack

attention and are unable to maintain the societal norms. The child, like

Naman, who was caged in his own home and lived in a state of constant

fear of unpredictable behaviour of his parents, often has a tendency to boil

with anger and is looking for the appropriate place and time to ventilate his

deep-rooted aggression and hatred towards his parents. Because he wants to

unload his gnawing feelings somewhere. So the school becomes the ideal

place for him where he interacts with like-minded children and finds an

opportunity to throw tantrums. He feels powerful by doing so.

Let us know about the root cause of such disturbing behaviour of

children who constantly live in a state of fear that if they revolt against the

parents they will strongly disapprove of his actions and he has no other place

to go.

Parents, listen! Find the source of your child’s pent-up emotions which

give rise to his violent instincts and disturb the strategy of his own thought


When a child is being kept in a strict environment he develops hostility

and hatred towards the authority figures (here, parents) because he cannot

take revenge against such a significant person in his life. So the child


comes to the school from his home with a bag full of aggression, hostility,

ruthlessness, destruction, and pugnacity instead of bringing the texts. So his

school bag becomes a Pandora’s box, full of grief and anxiety. His grief and

anxiety come in the form of aggression and destruction which become the

symbol of his defiance..He feels satisfied and happy if he has fulfilled his

tasks by taking revenge on his parents by destroying school property and

beating other students. This sense of accomplishment motivates him to go

ahead in his life, in order to defend himself from nurturing pain, frustration

and depression.

Naman’s parents blamed the school authorities and their child’s peer

groups because they did not realise that they were at fault. They had been

maintaining the same methodology or system in the house for decades.

In fact, a child needs an environment where he can feel free to interact

with his age-related developments and the parents are the only important

persons who can listen to his problems patiently and help him grow in the

right direction. Their self-made ideology needs a change for the welfare of

their own progeny.

Deb, a seven year old child, confided in me, “While I was punching

Manas (a child of the same class), I was imagining that I was punching my

father…my dad pushed me out of the room because I could not complete my

school work…look at my arm! I got the injury because my dad pushed me

hard…so I start beating them (friends) becoz of my dad…”

He was so scared of narrating his wished-for aggression towards his

father even though his father was not present there at that time. Because the

counselling was being conducted in one of the school premises which was

completely isolated. He was looking at my eyes with full confidence but an

obvious fear was there when he asked,

“So you’re not going to tell him?…”

There are innumerable factors which make parents anxious. Parents’

anxiety needs a channel through which it can pass. There are always problems

in life. The important thing is to solve them rationally. A parent who is

preoccupied with his/her own anxiety tends to inculcate poor discipline in

his/her child. So their first duty is to set free from their own anxiety.

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