The parents of Naman (ten year old) were terribly upset to hear about
the complaints, regarding their son which they had never dreamed of and
reacted as if it was a nightmare. The following was the list of complaints
Disturbance to the whole class:-
- Aggressive (beats, kicks and punches).
- Teases the girl students.
- Steals money from other students’ bags.
- Makes bad gestures even in front of his teachers.
- No remorse or guilty feeling.
- No respect towards school authorities.
- Destroys school property, e.g., breaks black-board, chairs, table etc.
Naman’s parents were completely clueless regarding Naman’s violent
and destructive nature. He was a totally different child at home. In his
“He never displays any indisciplined actions as our family maintains
a strict family tradition which we are bound to follow. We don’t allow any
mischief or misbehaviour. So it’s really a hard time for us to accept such
bad and destructive behaviour We were getting small complaints from the
school previously and we had started working towards that being more strict.
We even tried to punish him by being more vigilant. Sometime we used to
deny him many things. But we couldn’t understand that he could behave
so badly…..His father started beating him and we’re also losing the family
Naman’s parents were absolutely correct in terms of the family values.
But could they think of the problems where he was suffering every day
by suppressing his natural needs and desires due to the disagreements and
animosity of his parents?
Naman was not the only one who was suffering from deviant or
undesirable behaviour, there are a good number of students who lack
attention and are unable to maintain the societal norms. The child, like
Naman, who was caged in his own home and lived in a state of constant
fear of unpredictable behaviour of his parents, often has a tendency to boil
with anger and is looking for the appropriate place and time to ventilate his
deep-rooted aggression and hatred towards his parents. Because he wants to
unload his gnawing feelings somewhere. So the school becomes the ideal
place for him where he interacts with like-minded children and finds an
opportunity to throw tantrums. He feels powerful by doing so.
Let us know about the root cause of such disturbing behaviour of
children who constantly live in a state of fear that if they revolt against the
parents they will strongly disapprove of his actions and he has no other place
Parents, listen! Find the source of your child’s pent-up emotions which
give rise to his violent instincts and disturb the strategy of his own thought
When a child is being kept in a strict environment he develops hostility
and hatred towards the authority figures (here, parents) because he cannot
take revenge against such a significant person in his life. So the child
comes to the school from his home with a bag full of aggression, hostility,
ruthlessness, destruction, and pugnacity instead of bringing the texts. So his
school bag becomes a Pandora’s box, full of grief and anxiety. His grief and
anxiety come in the form of aggression and destruction which become the
symbol of his defiance..He feels satisfied and happy if he has fulfilled his
tasks by taking revenge on his parents by destroying school property and
beating other students. This sense of accomplishment motivates him to go
ahead in his life, in order to defend himself from nurturing pain, frustration
Naman’s parents blamed the school authorities and their child’s peer
groups because they did not realise that they were at fault. They had been
maintaining the same methodology or system in the house for decades.
In fact, a child needs an environment where he can feel free to interact
with his age-related developments and the parents are the only important
persons who can listen to his problems patiently and help him grow in the
right direction. Their self-made ideology needs a change for the welfare of
their own progeny.
Deb, a seven year old child, confided in me, “While I was punching
Manas (a child of the same class), I was imagining that I was punching my
father…my dad pushed me out of the room because I could not complete my
school work…look at my arm! I got the injury because my dad pushed me
hard…so I start beating them (friends) becoz of my dad…”
He was so scared of narrating his wished-for aggression towards his
father even though his father was not present there at that time. Because the
counselling was being conducted in one of the school premises which was
completely isolated. He was looking at my eyes with full confidence but an
obvious fear was there when he asked,
“So you’re not going to tell him?…”
There are innumerable factors which make parents anxious. Parents’
anxiety needs a channel through which it can pass. There are always problems
in life. The important thing is to solve them rationally. A parent who is
preoccupied with his/her own anxiety tends to inculcate poor discipline in
his/her child. So their first duty is to set free from their own anxiety.