Parents who were brought up in poor or disturbed home environments
or dysfunctional families show either impulsiveness or depression in their
temperament while dealing with their child’s problems and issues.
People who spent their childhood under stress due to chaotic family
environments are less likely to learn the appropriate skills required for
effective social adaptation. Their own childhood experiences and inability to
contend with the situations largely affect their feeling of well-being, which
is directly linked to their interactions with their child.
It is advisable for you, as a parent, to find out the flaws in your parents’
parenting and adopt new methods to avoid an emotional break-up with
your child. Visualizing your parents’ improper attitude may provide some
vital clues on ‘how to impart good parenting’ to your own children. It is
unfortunate that most parents refuse to accept their own weaknesses because
their ingrained traits become so much a part of their personality that they
no longer seem like much of a concern. Even if they possess some kind
of apparent rigidity, they cannot perceive how that might have any adverse
impact on their children.
Thus, one’s own parental actions and behaviour, unwittingly and
constantly, have a profound influence on the child, and it becomes visible
only when people around them start whispering, ‘Like father like son…’.
‘chip of the block’.
There are many factors that might have affected you or influenced your
behaviour. As a result, you often try to trace the reasons for your present
anxiety, depression, rigidity, and anger and defend yourself by blaming your
parents’ negligence and carelessness, either directly or indirectly.
Parents, you need to keep in mind that parenting is not an innate trait
but an acquired skill which one can only learn through experience either own
experience or others experience by being more thoughtful and rational. In an
alcoholic/criminal family (where the father is affected), a child does not learn
the values of the family because of the stress produced by the father. This is
why he hardly knows how to interact sensibly and how to be an important
member and be involved as a part of the family. The child becomes deficient
in feelings of sharing and caring. Sometimes he keeps himself emotionally
detached from the members of the family, or he becomes oversensitive
and reacts to every insignificant issue. Moreover, he may develop a social
anxiety which prevents him from establishing good communications with
the people around him. A good mother can stand as a buffer and nurture her
child in the right manner. But utmost care must be exercised to ensure that
the buffer strength is invariably maintained, in order to avert any comflict
between the parents inter se. There are several such kinds of examples where
mothers stand as the pillars of strength for their kids.
Parents! To keep yourself fresh, it is better to select the good memories,
separating them from the chain of bad memories of your childhood. Some
people have a natural tendency to do that, filtering out the latter, and so they
are less likely to be adversely affected by their own experiences in childhood
while dealing with their child’s problems. They find a smooth way to sail
quietly even in the stormy seas of life, overcoming their own childhood
stress and trauma.
But parents who are often preoccupied with their own painful past
tend to behave in a completely different way: being aggressive, depressive,
authoritarian or inconsistent. They are prone to blame their own chaotic
backgrounds and end up overlooking the present demands of their child.
Everybody has a soft corner in their heart filled with certain good
memories. The problem lies in the parents’ habit of highlighting only the
sad memories of their childhood and wallowing in their grey experiences.
As a result, they often dwell on the dark days, and this gets reflected in
their negative lifestyle. They are so confused and obsessed regarding their5
childhood experiences that they find it difficult to adjust to the present. If a
person tries to pick the good memories from the plethora of traumatic ones,
it will certainly enhance their self-confidence and motivate them to move
in a positive direction. Parents! If you dwell overlong in your childhood’s
unhappy memories, you cannot sort out your child’s problems.