Your Temperament


Parents who were brought up in poor or disturbed home environments

or dysfunctional families show either impulsiveness or depression in their

temperament while dealing with their child’s problems and issues.

People who spent their childhood under stress due to chaotic family

environments are less likely to learn the appropriate skills required for

effective social adaptation. Their own childhood experiences and inability to

contend with the situations largely affect their feeling of well-being, which

is directly linked to their interactions with their child.

It is advisable for you, as a parent, to find out the flaws in your parents’

parenting and adopt new methods to avoid an emotional break-up with

your child. Visualizing your parents’ improper attitude may provide some

vital clues on ‘how to impart good parenting’ to your own children. It is

unfortunate that most parents refuse to accept their own weaknesses because

their ingrained traits become so much a part of their personality that they

no longer seem like much of a concern. Even if they possess some kind

of apparent rigidity, they cannot perceive how that might have any adverse

impact on their children.

Thus, one’s own parental actions and behaviour, unwittingly and

constantly, have a profound influence on the child, and it becomes visible

only when people around them start whispering, ‘Like father like son…’.

‘chip of the block’.

There are many factors that might have affected you or influenced your

behaviour. As a result, you often try to trace the reasons for your present

anxiety, depression, rigidity, and anger and defend yourself by blaming your

parents’ negligence and carelessness, either directly or indirectly.

Parents, you need to keep in mind that parenting is not an innate trait

but an acquired skill which one can only learn through experience either own

experience or others experience by being more thoughtful and rational. In an

alcoholic/criminal family (where the father is affected), a child does not learn

the values of the family because of the stress produced by the father. This is

why he hardly knows how to interact sensibly and how to be an important

member and be involved as a part of the family. The child becomes deficient

in feelings of sharing and caring. Sometimes he keeps himself emotionally

detached from the members of the family, or he becomes oversensitive

and reacts to every insignificant issue. Moreover, he may develop a social

anxiety which prevents him from establishing good communications with

the people around him. A good mother can stand as a buffer and nurture her

child in the right manner. But utmost care must be exercised to ensure that

the buffer strength is invariably maintained, in order to avert any comflict

between the parents inter se. There are several such kinds of examples where

mothers stand as the pillars of strength for their kids.

Tranquillizing Effect

Parents! To keep yourself fresh, it is better to select the good memories,

separating them from the chain of bad memories of your childhood. Some

people have a natural tendency to do that, filtering out the latter, and so they

are less likely to be adversely affected by their own experiences in childhood

while dealing with their child’s problems. They find a smooth way to sail

quietly even in the stormy seas of life, overcoming their own childhood

stress and trauma.

But parents who are often preoccupied with their own painful past

tend to behave in a completely different way: being aggressive, depressive,

authoritarian or inconsistent. They are prone to blame their own chaotic

backgrounds and end up overlooking the present demands of their child.

Everybody has a soft corner in their heart filled with certain good

memories. The problem lies in the parents’ habit of highlighting only the

sad memories of their childhood and wallowing in their grey experiences.

As a result, they often dwell on the dark days, and this gets reflected in

their negative lifestyle. They are so confused and obsessed regarding their5

childhood experiences that they find it difficult to adjust to the present. If a

person tries to pick the good memories from the plethora of traumatic ones,

it will certainly enhance their self-confidence and motivate them to move

in a positive direction. Parents! If you dwell overlong in your childhood’s

unhappy memories, you cannot sort out your child’s problems.

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